Work memories that will live forever: The Cake Party

Here we have just wrapped up one of those cake parties. We actually get good cakes here, not that plain dry white cake like at my previous jobs. I sat there eating this cake with whipped cream and strawberries while my coworkers talked about things like their spring vacation in Disneyworld, their summer vacation in Transylvania and how their kid wants a prosciutto sandwich.

The coworker who went to Transylvania is a piece of work. At the last big cake party Transyvlania Girl went on about how she was afraid to go to Transylvania because the peasants might attack her at a road crossing and drive a stake through her heart.

Today I made the mistake of asking “How was your trip to Transylvania?”

Transylvania is full of wolves with creepy yellow eyes. Also, one day they were at some historic site and there was a wedding party there taking photos. The bride was carrying a giant gun in every photo.

Still, things were basically ok until they got off on the tangent about slaughtering animals.

“So my grandma just chopped off the chicken’s head with a giant knife. Whomp!” Maria hit the table for emphasis. Pause. “Sometimes she broke their neck first.”

We just stared at her. “You know! It’s a Puerto Rican thing!” she said.

I don’t know, but then, I grew up in snowy white Connecticut.

This was followed by a story by some guy whose name I don’t even know. One day his parents brought home a chicken and he was all excited because he thought they were giving him a pet. So he gave it a name and then 3 hours later they chopped its head off.

Then came the piece de resistance: Selena told us about this one time she went out to the garage on Christmas day and came face to face with the head of a decapitated goat.

“He was just sitting there, like he was looking at me! With these creepy yellow eyes… Just sitting there, on top of the picnic cooler…”

Now I can’t stop thinking about the goat head. Wasn’t that the name of a Rolling Stones album?

What we have learned today:

1.) Many animals have creepy yellow eyes.

2.) Do not ask coworkers questions about their vacation. Or anything else